Make a treaty with the wild bunnies when you arrive. They can hang out and hop around and add to the beauty of the place, munching on weeds and grass as long as they leave the little trees and vegetable garden alone.
Put chicken wire around the vegetable garden fence.
Make a deal with the birds. They can tweet and look gorgeous and be fed and supplied with bathing water as long as they don’t peck the grapes, olives, tomatoes, peas or silverbeet.
Close your eyes when catching falling plums to avoid getting a black eye.
Shut your mouth when line trimming.
No matter how hard you try to avoid it, trees will always find a way to ‘bitch slap’ you.
Invest in a good set of ‘poo tongs’ as animal waste makes great compost, but don’t store these any where near a barbeque.
When you need firewood, just wait for a 130km wind to blow the next-door neighbours tree into your place.
Baby pigs and Houdini have a lot in common. Block all exits that lead to scrumptious neighbourhood temptations until piggy gets too chubby to escape.
Always shake clothes from your floordrobe before putting them on to avoid whitetails and remember that your gumboots could be someone else’s home.